Facebookers Anonymous

Facebook is probably one of the most simple ideas ever created, yet it's one of the most complex. It's an easy way to stay in touch with friends and family and keep yourself up to date with what's going on around you. But at the same time, it causes so much shit that I really do not need to deal with. It brings about so many opportunities for people to make total asses of themselves. One class of people who post on Facebook are the attention-grabbers. They post lyrics to songs that obviously TOTALLY DESCRIBE THEIR LIVES. They write depressing statements. "My life is terrible"."I hope he notices me...". Well HE may not notice you. But everyone else sure does. And you're a pansy. They also constantly quote the ever-popular phrase FML. It was funny for a month after the website became popular. Now it's annoying as hell. Let's put it all together for the perfect emo 13-year-old girl status: "FMLLLL i hate my lifeeee, he doesnt even know i existtt ;(((" Somehow, about ten words made me hate you. Yes, fuck your life. With a crowbar. Nobody cares, all it does is make you look like a retard. Grow up. Now another class of Facebookers are gay guys. Yes, it sounds vague, but gay guys always seem to post stupid shit because they crave attention. I'm Facebook friends with a few gay guys I went to school with. One of them constantly posts emo 13-year-old girl statuses like the one above. Another one tells everybody about his wonderful adventures with his guy friends, and it's usually a different guy every week. It's disgusting. I don't need to hear this, and neither does anyone else. Now I don't hate gay people. I'm all for being gay and whatnot, like I don't care what they do behind closed doors. But don't let everyone else know. That's probably why people don't like gay people, because they can't keep their dick-ventures to themselves. The last class of Facebookers I can think of are the super awesome popular drunk kids. I've seen enough red cups in pictures to last me a lifetime. If you go on some slut's page and see the link for 1,568 pictures, and they're all of her in the same pose with the same peace sign and duck-face next to the same amount of drunk black guys ready to pounce on her, that's how you know she belongs in this group. It's funny when you're in high school and you're super-popular and you have to post pictures like this to maintain your reputation, but everyone still thinks you're scummy. It's even funnier when you're NOT in high school any more and you still post pictures like that and you look even stupider. I don't drink for this reason. I'm not gonna look like an idiot and get labeled in this group of Facebookers. I do go on Facebook a lot, don't get me wrong. But I don't give everyone a rundown of my day or pour out my emotions. I talk to my friends and I post things to entertain people. I'm an actor, I like to entertain people. But not by cutting my wrists over the internet. If people would use Facebook for good and not for evil, the internet would be a happier place.