Blogs

As I sit here writing my weekly blog, I know I'm doing it only for my English grade, and not necessarily for other people to read. But then I think about the people that actually do blog for other people to read their opinions. Personally, if I didn't have to, I would never ever write a blog. Every thing about them irks me. The word 'blog' used in modern vernacular angers me. "I'm gonna go blog." Shut the hell up, tool. I see it as a way of conforming to the flow of society. When a new term is invented everyone feels the need to use it to be up with the times. It's sickening to me. Also, the main reason I dislike blogging is because in all honesty, who really cares what you think? I'm making this blog persuasive in an attempt to get a good grade, but seriously, who else really cares what I have to think? "Oh, this kid doesn't like blogging. That makes no difference in anybody's life." And it's true. Someone could write a blog on how waitresses at restaurants should be required to put their hair up in a bun. It's abstract, but it's his opinion. Who cares? Waitresses who stumble upon it sure as hell won't put their hair up in a bun. I guess it's a way people can feel important, they put up their opinions and make themselves believe people are reading them and being affected by them. Every blog I've written has zero views. It doesn't bother me. I support the fact that no one has read my blogs because they have no reason to, and that's what I believe. People should have their own opinions and not feel subject to read others' in order to dissuade their own. So in closing, if anybody happens to stumble upon this, I hope their head explodes.

Staged Reality

I've been a pro-wrestling fans for about 7 years now, and it's really sad to see what the program has come to be today. Wrestling became popular in mainstream in 1985 when Cyndi Lauper joined forces with the WWF and brought the media's attention to the sport. Wrestling reached its height of popularity in the mid-90's, and almost everyone in America was at least aware of the sport. Stone Cold Steve Austin became their poster child, and he and The Rock are probably still the first names that come to mind when one mentions pro-wrestling. Sadly, nowadays the sport is probably at its lowest point of popularity ever. And I use the term 'sport' lightly. I mean, obviously, it's always been staged, and some would question the legitimacy of calling it a sport. It's an event where people display great acrobatic abilities and strengths, and must be greatly skilled to do so, so in sense, it is a sport. But, now the program is something completely different. In the mid-late 90's, during the "Attitude Era", wrestling was the most badass thing on television. Now it's nothing but a shitty soap opera. They wanted to dumb down the stunts and promos so that they can aim it at younger viewers. The problem is, that age group is usually put in bed by 8 or 9, when the show comes on. Kids these days are more mature (in a sense) than they used to be. A 10-year old kid watching wrestling today isn't going to be as easily affected as a kid from the 90's. They're not as impressionable to the sport as they used to be, it's just a part of society evolving. So now instead of interesting wrestling matches and MANLY VIOLENCE AND MUD-WRESTLING DIVAS, it's a whole bunch of overly-scripted storylines and stupid angles. I'm barely even a fan anymore because of what the sport has become. It's really sad, It upsets me to watch wrestling matches as little as 3 or 4 years old. It was so much better then. Obviously this blog is only aimed at a certain audience, those being wrestling fans. Any regular person wouldn't give a fuck. The whole 'who cares, wrestling is fake' mindset kicks in. The point is to use your imagination. You know it's scripted, but it's not 'fake'. Obviously they pull punches, but everything they do is still dangerous. There's been countless injuries and deaths from wrestling accidents. It's like watching Taken. You picture Mel Gibson as a badass ex-agent fighting to get his daughter back, not some old, psychotic racist bastard who's been brainwashed by Hollywood. When watching wrestling, you have to picture Stone Cold Steve Austin as the badass S.O.B. his character is portrayed to be, and not the guy who visits terminally ill children every tear to grant lifelong wishes to meet their favorite wrestler.

Vampires Suck

Ha ha ha, original title, right? Yeah, I know. But the fact is, the Twilight adaptation of movies is one of the worst things to happen to our country in recent times, not just because of my personal disliking of the series, but because of the effects it has on the youth (and some older fucktards too) of America. I mean, of course, nearly anyone can understand why I personsally wouldn't like Twilight. Sparkling vampires, shirtless dudes, Shark Boy, GAY. But the worst part is its followers. People, mainly teenage girls, now believe they are vampires, dressing in clothes from the film and wearing the teeth and following the rituals. This is not a summary of the South Park episode, I had these opinions long before I saw the parody. I hate hate HATE waiting on little girls that come into Subway! They're talking about how sexy Jacob is and that they're jealous of Bella, and I want to jump over the bar and beat them into the ground. But, the sight of blood would only excite them, cause you know, THEY'RE VAMPIRES. No, I don't care if you're Team Edward or Team Jacob, I'm sticking to Team Fuck-All-Of-You. Of course, the recent trend of vampire popularity has started a tidal wave of new media involving vampires, such as video games, movies and TV shows. I mean, most of the stuff isn't nearly as bad as Twilight, but I'm sick of the whole vampire idea. I don't get why people find them so interesting, they're supposed to be scary. 30 Days Of Night is the only thing in recent memory I can think of that gives vampires the traits and characteristics that they are supposed to have. And the series isn't ending anytime soon, They're releasing Breaking Dawn soon, I believe it's called? It'll have a midnight release, all the fat little goth chicks will turn to bats and fly to the movie theater, and then the next day have their ashamed mothers drive them to the mall and wait outside while they run into Hot Topic and buy all the latest merchandise. Then the shit ensues, they're out of Team Jacob shirts, there's crying, wrist-cutting, chemical warfare, mass genocide, suicide bombings, you know, the regular stuff that comes along with Twilight releases. So until then, I'll surely keep my cross handy.

Internet Trends

Anybody who spends a lot of time on the internet (mainly the younger end of the group) starts to become familiar with the unique sense of humor that is widely used across the web. Anything from phrases to pictures can become a staple to internet usage. It started off as a small trend but now is becoming more widespread, which will slowly cause the demise of the humor, as big media names will start endorsing things that became underground-ly funny years ago. A good recent example is 'Cigar Guy'. Something like that a short while ago only would've been discussed on forums and other websites of the sort. But now, there's a story about the background of Cigar Guy on the frontpage of Yahoo! and it debunks the story behind it. This ruins all the humor of the subject, and in sense, The mass media took something funny and killed it from overexposure just to make headlines, as it does with so many other things. The story behind this particular case is, Cigar Guy was photographed as being an out-of-place onlooker as Tiger Woods fired a shot, complete with a big, bushy mustache, cigar, and turban. The unusuality of his appearance caused many photoshopped pictures inserting his likeness into pictures across history. This is a staple with most internet memes, and is how the joke is spread. But, some big media outlet picked up on the story and documented it, making it widely known outside of the internet community. Finally, in the Yahoo! story, they interviewed the man, revealing his name, background, and that the turban (when viewed from another angle) was actually a ponytail, and his cigar and mustache were only a costume, to honor his favorite golfer. By learning the story behind the joke, it removes all credibility because there is no imagination left to the joke. You know what's actually going on so you can't find it funny. If the media hunted down Keanu Reeves to ask him to explain in detail the "Sad Keanu" meme, it wouldn't be funny anymore. It's like an inside joke or fad. It's funny or interesting amongst your group of friends, but when it gets out and everyone starts doing it, it becomes boring and uninteresting, "lame" in a sense. I guess this blog is about a cross between internet humor and mass media over-promoting things and ruining them. Internet jokes are funny in their own sense. When one is picked up and goes widespread, people don't know the original story behind it, and all the other jokes it's associated with, and then they go and do stupid shit like make t-shirts and make Facebook groups, and wear the shit out of it until there's no hope of it being funny again. If I ever see someone wearing a Cigar Gut t-shirt, I'll kill them. Legit. Because it's not funny anymore because of the fucking media. I feel like more and more of a hipster every day. Cardigans and Indy bands, here I come.

Fuck Food Service

The topic of this blog may not be specific enough by the title. So I'll make it a little more clear. All the evil in the world can be traced back to food service. I've worked at Subway for over 3 years and it has completely changed my outlook on the human race. The people I wait on make me wonder id we've really all completely evolved from savage primates. Before I worked at Subway I was timid and shy, never really spoke my mind, and I all around wasn't very social. Since my job requires me to talk to and take orders from hundreds of strangers per day, I was forced to become more social. In being more social, I am able to better read what kind of a person someone is by analyzing the little things they do while I'm making their sub. When I greet a customer with a friendly "Hello" or "Hi, how are you?" and the customer responds by going right into their order, I can tell that they have bad people skills. I can also decipher this when they say  "I want-" or "Gimme-", as if they're children. When I ask if they want it toasted and they respond by saying they want chips and a drink with that, I can tell they're flat out retarded. I'm also sick of hearing 'I thought my sub was five dollars!' when the five dollar menu behind me clearly designates the subs that are five dollars, and the five dollar special ended April 17th, and I promptly tell them that to make them feel stupid. I get the opportunity to do that a lot, since usually the sub I'm making has a higher I.Q. than the actual customer. My most despised statistic about food service is fat people. I HATE FAT PEOPLE. I don't care if it's absurd, but they disgust me. I have some fat friends, but none of them are disgusting. Likewise, if a fat guy comes in and is friendly and cooperative, I'll know in the future to treat him like a regular person. But, a majority of the fat people I wait on are disgusting slobs. It pains me to make a footlong tuna on cheese bread with extra cheese for these elephants, it really does. I hate that I'm slowly sealing their arteries. The worst is making subs for fat kids. I hate seeing little kids come in and ask for extra bacon and waves of mayonnaise. And their parents allow it and encourage because they too are gargantuans. I take every opportunity i can to use low fat mayonnaise or put less bacon on the sub, because they'll appreciate those extra 2-3 minutes I tacked onto their life. And of course, the number one thing a fat person cares about is shoving their food into their mouth as quickly as possibly, so they'll be rude and ignorant to me while their exposed stomach sits on my neatly arranged chip rack. Then, they leave a huge mess at their table, which is like a paradox to me because I'd think they would want as much of the food in their mouth as possible. It just disgusts me to see where our country is headed. and I suppose the reason I hate fat people so much is because I'm actually helping the epidemic, and there's nothing I can do about it because it's my job. I wish I could say "Are you sure you want bacon on that?" or "You don't need all that mayo." or maybe even "Sir, please park your SUV in the parking lot during your next visit" while pointing at his wife. If I ever get fat, I've instructed my friends to kill me. So, at least I have a motivation to stay in shape. That's the ONE good thing I get out of this situation. I'm using my Subway experience to land a job at a Subway in Europe while the people are still sexy. In America, all the sexy is gone. It's been covered in mayonnaise and eaten.